Heart Attack Monitor

Heart Attack Monitor

You little mite,

You stinking shite,

That jumped out gave me such a fright,

Now you stand and strike a pose,

Like a honey bee on a ruby rose,

Then away you slink, your tail flip flopped,

While I keel over, my poor heart has stopped.

This quality photo provided by my old Nokia mobile

Lace Monitor - One of many spied that day

Some time ago I decided to go out for a hike. In my mind the track I intended to take was no more than 14 km through sub-tropical forest. I packed accordingly and set off. Upon arrival I discovered that rain the previous week had closed the track for maintenance, I decided that I knew better and continued on my merry way. A few kilometres into the hike I found the sign for my intended trail, 24 km return. Despite it being summer, my exercise routine best described as infrequent and inadequate water supply, I still wanted to give it a crack. The combination of the rain and track closure had left the trail a little overgrown and lack of human presence meant an increase in animals. Several times I nearly stepped on tree snakes hidden on the cluttered track. I also encountered several lizards, lace monitors, exploding off into the undergrowth. Initially the path winds down the side of a gorge where it traces a creek for several kilometres. Until about 9 km into the track it climbs steeply to a lookout, then tapers down to a dam, the turning point. Not knowing the length of the track, it's obvious I didn't know the layout of the entire track prior to walking it. Once the track leveled out on the gorge floor I found the going easy, undeterred by the steamy forest walls. Overconfident I upped pace, even once the track started climbing, unaware of how steep or far the track climbed. Needless to say my poor conditioning caught up with me about halfway up the climb. I was hitting a wall. I finished the climb and struggled to the lookout. I was 2 km shy of the halfway point and fast running out of water. After a rest I decided to pull the pin and head back. It was the middle a warm summer's day and along the humid gorge floor I was sweating profusely. With about 4 km to go I ran out of water, I was battling and still had the final ascent up the gorge wall then another kilometre or so back to my car. I was parched but it's not REALLY all that far, so I steeled myself and pushed on. The relief as I managed to reach the top of the climb, I was so close. Then it happened. This fucking lizard jumps out on the track right in front of me. Dehydrated, exhausted, the start it gave me nearly stopped my heart. It just sat there looking at me, I had to piff rocks at it to get it to piss off. Eventually it did, I got back to my car, got stuck into some water I'd left in there, I wrongly assumed that it would just be dead weight for the length off hike I was doing. Needless to say that ever since I plan hikes thoroughly, making sure to include excessive water. I chalk the experience up as another of life's lessons I learned the hard way, look before you leap. Just so you know, I have been back and conquered the trail. Didn't run into one lizard.