The Eternal Screw-ups Of Colonel B.*
He's a daft and docile bugger,
that one and only Colonel B.
His senior's used to talk about,
the officer he could've been.
But somewhere along the line they say,
it all was a bit too much.
The Colonel lost his mind in a way,
and drifted out of touch.
His first command was foreign,
He led with bravery in his heart,
but alas his poor confused soul,
was doomed right from the start.
He sent them East,
Was supposed to be West.
Some of the men got scurvy,
Dysentery for the rest.
He marched them up that hill,
then right back down again.
Signed up 500 conscripts,
with no ink in his only pen.
They wandered lost and forgotten,
for forty days and forty nights,
took a left and ended up in Paris,
great big city of lights.
They tried to go AWOL,
but didn't know what it meant.
So they went into a blue movie,
and practiced pitching tents.
Afterwards their esteemed leader led the charge,
on the biggest whore house in town.
After the full frontal assault
Colonel B was adorned with a paper crown.
They left their new-found short-stay barracks,
they'd dubbed the shooting range,
All but one with syphilis,
that lone soul had mange.
Then to the zoo,
for to practice real Gorilla warfare,
They found their spot between emus,
and nestled by the bears.
They guzzled down bananas,
Swinging through the trees,
Colonel B and his troops,
passed that test with ease.
Their fighting ability
by now it was deluded
despite all the 'expert training'
all combat having been eluded.
They carry on regardless
going through complex maneouvres
Mostly this involves
escaping through an angry husbands louvres.
The self regulated medal ceremonies,
only a matter for the course,
of these slick and wily veterans,
a well trained, elite 'fighting' force.
What does the future hold,
for his loyal men and he?
You'll just have to wait,
and for the latest chapter see,
The eternal screw-ups of,
the unflappable Colonel B!
*No relation
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