Did You Just Use The Word 'Twerk?'

Not yet, but I will shortly...

They That's Them

They twitch and twerk,

oh how they jerk,

all along the line.

Yawning at the dawning,

of another day doing time.

They swivel and sway,

yet how they stay,

anchored to the spot.

Mumbling mixed with grumbling,

at their bleak and lowly lot.

They unlock and unload,

at the end of the road,

and begin to disembark.

Fumbling whilst stumbling,

faces clouded over and dark.

They filter and file,

winding back for a mile,

plodding in procession.

Clomping sometimes stomping,

towards a twelve hour session.

There they grovel and grind,

with robotic minds,

just faceless numbers.

Blinking barely thinking,

and everyone gets dumber.

They travail and toil,

for someone else's spoil,

yet they never bristle.

Waiting without abating,

for the final whistle.

They break and head back,

along the track,

a vast and rambling horde.

Staging for their caging,

as they all climb aboard.

They slump and slouch,

some even crouch,

yet they never learn.

Repeating all the bleating,

just to make a return.

A Beer In Review - Borambola's Tuckerbox Hoppy Lager

If you're not familiar with the Dog on the Tuckerbox story, http://thedogonthetuckerbox.com/ is, logically enough, a good place to start. I won't recount it here as I'm not much of an expert and the website is only a click away, I'm more well versed on the poems written about it. Taken from the poems/folk song page is the version I've heard most often before -

Nine Miles From Gundagai - Jack Moses

I've done my share of shearing sheep,

Of droving and all that;

And bogged a bullock team as well,

On a Murrumbidgee flat.

I've seen the bullock stretch and strain

And blink his bleary eye,

And the dog sit on the tuckerbox

Nine miles from Gundagai.

I've been jilted, jarred and crossed in love,

And sand-bagged in the dark,

Till if a mountain fell on me,

I'd treat it as a lark.

It's when you've got your bullocks bogged,

That's the time you flog and cry,

And the dog sits on the tuckerbox

Nine miles from Gundagai.

We've all got our little troubles,

In life's hard, thorny way.

Some strike them in a motor car

And others in a dray.

But when your dog and bullocks strike,

It ain't no apple pie,

And the dog sat on the tuckerbox

Nine miles from Gundagai

Name: Tuckerbox

Alcohol Content: 5% (1.3 standard drinks)

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to mouth

What it says-

"Like his counterpart on the tuckerbox, Rusty the Jack Russell terrier waited eagerly to greet visitors to Borambola Homestead. 

His luck run out before his master's when he met an 18 wheeler while chasing a bitch. His pudgy brother, Scruffy, now stands guard in his place."

What I says-

First glance: The fruity aroma hops straight up the nose, they certainly got the hoppy part right.

Flavour: Strong fruity flavour. Initial sip had it as being too much hops for mine, but after subsequent sips I've decided that there is quite a nice malt balance.

Verdict: I'm now looking at the empty bottle wishing there was a second one to follow it. Strong flavour, would perhaps get to be too much over a full session, but a very drinkable lager. If I owned a tuckerbox, I'd probably stock it with a 6 pack of Tuckerbox every Friday, just for emergencies like.

Score: 3.5 bottle caps

For more info visit borambola.com

Join me next week for Prickly Moses' Red Ale.

A Beer In Review - Temple's Bicycle Beer

10 years ago I wouldn't be able to drink a beer called bicycle, I'd be too busy making jokes about town bikes and how they compare to your girlfriend/mum/sister. Now your girlfriend is your wife and, unless she is actually sleeping around(even then that's a very slippery slope to be treading), that's really bad form; I've met your mum and she's lovely, she baked cookies for us that one time; and I would like to take your sister out, so saying that, even in jest, is probably not in my best interest.

Now my only joke about bicycle beer is this-

Q: If I drink 15 bicycle beers, I become like a bicycle and can no longer stand. Why? 

A: Because I'm two-tired.

"Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains...." 

Name: Bicycle Beer

Alcohol Content: 4.2% (1.1 standard drinks)

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to my mouth

What it says-

"A light and refreshing beer with a soft malt character complemented by the fresh hop aroma of citrus & summer fruits & the addition of an ancient sea salt"

What I says-

First glance: I'm kind of excited, the beer doesn't advertise what style it is- ale, lager, stout, etc. I just don't know what they're trying to pedal* here, it's a Victorian mystery to be revealed below...

Flavour: Fairly mild light ale. Has plenty of citrus, I'm not familiar with the style but I guess you could almost call it a radler, which would make sense for the name (radler = cyclist, it's called 'Bicycle Beer', get it?).

Verdict: I enjoyed this beer. Nice flavour, I feel it would go well on a hot summer's day. Yes drinking this beer is like riding a bike- 'If you can't remember how to do it, you're too drunk. Just kebab up and get yourself home to bed.'

Score: 3.5 bottle caps

For more info visit - templebrewing.com.au

Join me next week for Tuckerbox Hoppy Lager

*When I said I only had one joke about bicycle beer, I lied.

A Beer In Review - Kosciuszko Pale Ale

Surf's Up Tonight came on the radio today, not an Oil's song that I hear over the wireless too often. Normally you get a bit of Beds Are Burning, maybe some King of the Mountain or perhaps a little Blue Sky Mine. Shame it wasn't Kosciuszko, it would've been more appropriate for my choice of beer for this week. Lucky for me I have that song on my computer, so I can play at loud as my puny laptop speakers will allow (yes it just manages to drown out the sound of ABC News 24 droning through from next door).

"High up in the homelands

Celebration 'cross the land

Builds up like a cyclone

Now the fires begin to rage"

Name: Kosciuszko Pale Ale

Alcohol Content: 4.5% (1.2 standard drinks)

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to my mouth

What it says-

"Kosciuszko Brewery encompasses the spirit and the inspiration of the Snowy Mounatins, like the pioneering explorer, Edmund Strzelecki who first ascended our highest mountain and named it in honour of Polish freedom fighter Kosciuszko, we are exploring the natural brewing limits by producing awesome ales that reflect the purity and spirit of the Australian Alps. Kosciuszko Pale Ale refreshes your palate with a pleasant rich maltiness and a fruity hoppy finish. It is brewed for enjoyment after a hard day of skiing, hiking, fishing or just enjoying yourself in the mountains. Always in season."

What I says-

First glance: I do believe this is the first, and perhaps only, of these beers that I have come across before. I feel like I've tried it previously, most definitely I've seen it on tap somewhere. I want to say either in Byron Bay or possibly in The Grand Central Arms in Brisbane city, but I can remember properly neither the occasion nor the beer. Having said all that, I do enjoy a good pale ale, so let's get into it.

Flavour: Mild fruity flavour. Slightly bitter, but not too much there.

Verdict: Fairly stock standard pale ale for mine. Not terrible, quite drinkable in fact, but it would have to be a pretty thin selection of beers for this to be my first choice. Maybe it IS better after a day of skiing, hiking or fishing in the Snowy Mountains. Alas the only time I've spent days doing any of those things on or around Mount Kosciuszko I was 11, and I was more of a 'mug of hot Milo man' back then.

Score: 3 bottle caps

For more info Google it, that's 'Kosciuszko Brewing Company'

Join me next week for Temple's Bicycle Beer.

Really kind of disappointed I won't need to be looking up the spelling of Kosciuszko 9 fucken times, maybe I can work in there a few times just for shits and giggles.

A Beer In Review - Feral's Sly Fox Summer Ale

I had initially intended to review this beer last week, but due to unforeseen circumstances this didn't happen. Rather than squeezing this so-called summer ale into the last two days of the official summer (for those of us in the southern hemisphere anyway), I'm now sampling it a whole week later on an breezy Autumn evening. I hope the beer police don't arrest me.

Name: Sly Fox

Alcohol Content: 4.7% (1.3 standard drinks)

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to my mouth

What it says-

"This sneaky little beer is light on its feet but still packs a punch of flavour. We lightly filter the beer to get a vibrant hoppy aroma with a clean bitterness that pairs perfectly with a hot summer's day."

Also-

"Fresh from the Swan valley."

Also-

"Treat like milk, refrigerate where possible"*

What I says-

First glance: Smells like a fantastic pale ale, I'm well excited to get my laughing gear around this one.

Flavour: This beer is a journey of epic proportion. It starts out as a typical fruity pale ale, then hits you with a slight bitter kick and then the two blend for a lovely mellow finish. Makes for an incredibly refreshing beer, very tasty. Plenty of flavour without being overpowering.

Verdict: Despite my not treating this beer in its prescribed fashion (see first above, then below), this beer is brilliant. I feel I've said it all, a very tasty ale, with a lovely finish and not too much flavour. Not sure how it'd perform over a session, but a chilled six pack on a hot summer's day (or any time really) would go down an absolute treat.

Score: 4.5 bottle caps

For more info visit feralbrewing.com.au

Join me next week for Kosciuszko Brewing Company's Pale Ale

*I first read this when I was extracting this beer from a 2 month hibernation inside a box that was sat on our balcony. Ergo I did not do this, whoops.

A Beer In Review - Ekim's Viking IPA

Disclaimer 1: I've never really drank a lot of IPA's and the ones I've had, haven't really set the world on fire for me. So keep in mind that the IPA factor may sway my final score.

Disclaimer 2: I really like vikings. The 13th Warrior is one of my favourite movies. It doesn't really make sense, there seems to have been some confusion in the costume department with some of the characters, I don't particularly care for Antonio Banderas (there's no reason, I just don't), but still I make time to watch it at least couple of times a month. Purely for the vikings. So keep in mind that the viking factor may sway my final score.

Name: Viking IPA

Alcohol Content: 6% (1.6 standard drinks)

Bottle Date: 17-10-13

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to my mouth

What it says-

"A full-frontal assault of American hops met with a barrage of sweet malt, creating an ale with intense floral and fruity aromas & flavours balanced with mellowing caramel malts. A surprisingly refreshing medium-bodied ale with a clean finish. All Ekim beers are unfiltered and unpasteurised. They are made in small batches with only malt, hops, yeast & rebellion against mass produced brews."

What I says-

First glance: Congratulations, it's a boy! Cracked it open to a gushing overflow of head.

Flavour: Upfront it is full of the characteristic bitterness I associate with an IPA. The aftertaste, while still full of flavour, is less bitter and more fruity.

Verdict: In between the surge of head upon opening, the brutal bitterness and the 6% ABV, any skepticism I had about the vikingliness of this beer (I mean there isn't even a beard on the label) was well and truly put to bed. A dozen of these would most assuredly send me berserkering across any dance floor. A very full flavoured beer, I probably wouldn't buy a case ever (definitely not a session beer for me), but if someone wanted to split a six pack I'd go for that, a nice little starter. If you're into IPA's, then I guess it could be worth checking out.

Score: 3 bottle caps

For more info: www.eskimbrewing.com.au

Join me next week for Feral's 'Sly Fox Summer Ale'.

A Beer In Review - Cricketers Arms Lager

This Christmas past I was bestowed with a gift of 12 different bottles of beer. One for each day of Christmas as per the song? I didn't think to ask at the time and I feel as though the moment has passed to pose the question. Feeling it wasn't right just to drink the beers straight up I put them aside and was about my business. Now that the New Year has well and truly been rung in I have reached the point whereby a decision on the beer must be made, and after much pondering, I decided that once a week I will select one bottle to try. I'll waffle on about each beer for a time, then I'll give them a score out of five.

From next week on I anticipate changing this to Thursdays. Allowing you the opportunity to go out and Friday and source some of these beers for yourself, should you like the sound of them.

As this is my first of beer review, I'm not really sure how to format this so I'll just be making it up as I go.

Name: Cricketers Arms Lager

Alcohol Content: 4.6% (1.2 standard drinks)

Served: Chilled, straight from the 330ml bottle to my mouth

What it says-

"Cricketers Arms Lager is brewed longer to deliver an extra dry taste. Made with sun dried Australian malt and infused with Amarillo hops which impart an intriguing citrus character to the aroma and flavour. Best enjoyed icy cold."

What I says-

First glance: I thought I'd start with a lager, usually a simple no nonsense style of beer and the initial impression is that Cricketers Arms does not disappoint in this regard, very easy to drink.

Flavour: Enjoyable but weak. I'll take the bottles word for it about the citrus character or whatever.

Verdict: A non offensive larger. It seems like it would be a good session beer. With the weak flavour it didn't knock my socks off, but if it was cheap I'd definitely consider picking a box up to enjoy chilled on a hot summer's day (probably with the cricket on the telly).

Score: 2.5 bottle caps

For more info CricketersArmsBrewing.com

Join me next week for Ekim Brewing Co's 'Viking IPA'

The Go Between

I struggled with this for a long time. I'm still not sure if I'm happy with it, but I am calling it finished, well, for now at least.

The Go Between

On these wide stinking streets,

I join the ceaseless flow.

Swimming through the humid heat,

slithering together, sluggish and slow.

Afloat the solid swells of bitumen.

I retrace familiar lanes,

glancing the hazy, far off peaks.

All concrete and glass panes.

There is a span looming,

almost impossibly across the sky.

I see three in a row traversing it,

in the seething mass I pass them by.

I leave them to their journey,

continuing on with my own.

There is no two by my side,

I make the migrations alone.

Leaving the open stretches,

to navigate the estuaries and bays.

These places once were alien to me,

I begin to learn their ways.

How to beat the heat,

out-rush the crush,

and head to the places in between.

The ones I yearn to find,

a stopover from the journey,

somewhere to escape the daily grind.

With sprawling shade, cool beer,

and a familiar, friendly face.

A place to belong,

and forget about the rat race.